I will walk by faith & not by sight, even when I cannot see!

I will walk by faith & not by sight, even when I cannot see!

I came across that quote again, which also happens to be one of my favorites.  There is so much power in those words.  Do other people believe in this?  Well, I do!

Today I'm in a funk.  It's just one of those wrong days where you just think  a lot allowing everything to get to you.  I try so hard that I exhaust myself, I'm exhausted today.   It's times like this that I love reflecting and doing a self evaluation.  What other areas would I like to grow in my life?  What else can I change about my life?  I'm so maxed out with changes it's actually a hard question to answer.  

Well, for starters I know I need more Jesus.  I know that he loves & misses me.  I miss him too.  You know, he is the only one who will never fail you.  When things are tough in life you can always count on him.  When you cry he is the comforter to catch your tears.  Jesus never fails you.  No matter how much money you have, or how little money you have, it just doesn't matter.  It's what you do with your time & money that counts.

I can tend to be such a perfectionist at times.   I'm a planner & I'm a preparer.  I like to stay a step ahead at all times.  It will drive me crazy if anyone around me is not on board.  I tend to work at such a fast pace that I out run myself.   I wish that I would just STOP more often and thank God.  I wish that I would show him gratitude everyday, not just on the days that I'm down or moody.  I love my Jesus and I need to make it a point to tell him more often.  I love you LORD, I do.

I thank him for all the blessing in my life.  I thank him for such an intuitive mind & spirit.   My son, have you seen what an amazing son I have?  He loves his mommy so much & mommy loves him too.  


Ahhh, as I lay down and reflect more I wish you a lot of love, hugs & kisses.  Be blessed abundantly =)


Ann Marie

Dreams do come true

I'm up in the middle of the night on day 5 of my intense diet and exercise program.  This is the first night that I am having trouble sleeping. What is the deal?  I normally sleep great.  Since I take so much solace in writing, I wanted to share a story with you.  Many people wonder how I got where I am.  Let me enlighten you.

About 4 years ago I reflected on my life.  I looked at myself to see who I had become, the type of person I was, my attitude, influences and educators.  I found that after much reflection there was not many people in my life that lifted me up, rather they added what I would call 'baggage'.  I stopped worrying about how to change others and started focusing on how to change myself.

As I started to dig deep inside, I couldn't help but feel bitterness towards the ones I loved.  Why am I where I am?  Why didn't my parents educate me more on finishing school & not getting pregnant early?  It was hard being a single mom. It was hard to support myself with a child since the age of 18. Why me?  I was the perfect child growing up, the smart one, the one that never got in trouble - the All-American girl.  I can sit here today and answer my own questions.

I had to battle my own pain to answer my own unanswered questions. I needed to learn to forgive.  What came next?  I went through a stage of hibernation.  I wanted to unleash all the bottled up feelings.  I needed to find me.

The number one question I remember asking myself is, "where do I want to be in 5 years"?  Evaluating my life led me to change it.  I started focusing on how to become a better person.  For starters, I took the drama out my life.  I changed my inner circle.  I started to dream again, read and write.  I started listing my goals.  I was unhappy with my current job so I looked for one that I loved.  I started created happiness that surrounded me.  I started laying out the real foundation to my life.

Why must I blame the world for my circumstances?  I must simply learn to change it.  I changed every aspect of my life.  My boss once told me, "Ann, it's called sacrifice for a reason".   I taught myself how to sacrifice.  I was going to have to give to get.  I lived an OK lifestyle supporting us, but I wanted more; I needed more.  I wanted to be a stronger, independent, successful women.  Most importantly, I did it on my own.  I wrote down what success meant to me, how I would accomplish my dreams, goals & visions.  From that moment on, I never looked back & only climbed higher.  I believed in myself again.

For one, I set a long term goal to work for myself.  I wanted to start a business.  What business?  Well, I had no idea at the time.  I just knew I wanted to make the rules, call the shots, pick my own hours, and provide a limitless income for my family.  That's when I made my mind up to go back to school to finish school and get a business degree. 

The funny thing is when I told people, they didn't believe me.  No one believed in me.  My dreams became so big that I was living in a fantasy world to them.  They told me it was impossible.  Ann, how could you go to school full time, do homework, work full time, support your baby, model & still be a good mommy?  They said it couldn't happen.  Yes, they all said it! Especially with zero financial assistance.  I replied with, "I will do it, watch and see".  I will not give up no matter how hard things get.

Deep down this kind of made me feel good b/c I was going to prove them wrong.  I knew in my heart that my dreams would come true.  I already thought of all the scenarios.  I knew it was going to be tough.  I had it all planned and figured out.  How did I do it?

For starters, I had lived in my own apartment since the day I moved away from home.  I worked hard for my money and liked spending it even more.  That had to change so I made a big decision to look for a home with roommates (ewww).  I started to chop down my expenses like it was no one's business.  Going back to school required my totally dedication and sacrifice.  This is where it started.  I also looked for a job that would allow me to work around my school schedule. I looked hard for a perfect job that suited me.  And after 6 months of searching, I found it.

It was perfect, I even had my own beautiful office in such a peaceful downtown neighborhood.  I can honestly say I loved going to work everyday.  I was an accounts manger for a real estate development firm.  It was a small, dynamic team of 5.  For what I wanted to eventually do on my own, it was only the beginning of paving my future. 

I was able to go to go to school full-time while supporting myself working part-time.  I would either do my homework the week I didn't have Ashton or after he fell asleep so I could spend quality time with him.  I did my modeling on the weekend I didn't have him.  I would plan, plan, plan. It was all about STRUCTURE that made it all work.


Caio,
Ann Marie